SEL
How to Teach Kids to Keep Trying After Failure
A parent and teacher guide to building resilience, growth mindset, and the courage to try again — plus a children's book about perseverance that brings the lesson to life.
Every child runs into the same wall at some point: the tower they built falls down, the math problem doesn't make sense, the soccer ball goes the wrong way, the friend says "no." What happens next is one of the most important things a child will ever learn. Do they give up — or do they try again?
Helping kids keep trying after failure isn't about toughening them up. It's about giving them the emotional tools to handle disappointment, see mistakes as part of learning, and build the kind of confidence that comes from doing hard things. This guide is for parents, teachers, school counselors, and early childhood educators who want to help children grow into resilient, brave, kind humans.
Why kids sometimes give up after mistakes
Giving up is rarely about laziness. For most kids, it's about feelings.
When something goes wrong, a young child's brain often jumps straight to a story: *I'm bad at this. Everyone saw. I shouldn't have tried. I'll never get it.* That story feels true in the moment, even when it isn't. The frustration, embarrassment, or sadness that comes with a mistake can be so big that quitting feels like the only way to make the feeling stop.
Kids may also give up because:
- They've been praised for being "smart" or "talented" instead of for effort, so struggling feels like proof they're not actually good
- The adults around them get visibly frustrated when they make mistakes
- They've never seen what trying again actually looks like
- The task is genuinely too hard, and they need it broken into smaller steps
- Their nervous system is overwhelmed and they need a calm-down moment before trying again
Understanding *why* a child shut down is the first step in helping them open back up. (For more on big feelings in the moment, see Calm Down Activities for Kids.)
How resilience helps children build confidence
Resilience is the ability to bounce back — to feel the disappointment of a setback, take a breath, and try again. It's the bedrock of real confidence. Confidence doesn't come from never failing; it comes from failing, recovering, and learning that failure didn't break you.
Kids who learn how to keep trying after failure tend to:
- Take healthier risks (raising a hand, trying a new sport, making a new friend)
- Handle frustration without melting down as often
- Persist through hard schoolwork instead of shutting down
- Develop a growth mindset — the belief that abilities grow with effort
- Build a quieter, more durable kind of self-worth that doesn't depend on always winning
This is the heart of social-emotional learning (SEL). For more on the broader picture, see How to Help Kids Build Self-Confidence and Teaching Kids Patience.
Simple ways parents and teachers can teach kids to try again
You don't need a curriculum to teach resilience. You need small, repeated moments where kids see what trying again looks like and feels like. A few that work:
Name what's happening
When a child gives up, get curious before you correct. "That looked really frustrating — what part felt the hardest?" Naming the feeling helps it shrink. (More on this in Helping Kids Express Their Feelings.)
Praise effort and strategy, not talent
Swap "You're so smart" for "You worked so hard on that" or "I love how you tried a different way." Effort-based praise is one of the most evidence-backed habits for building a growth mindset for kids.
Add the word "yet"
"I can't do it" becomes "I can't do it *yet*." That tiny word reframes the whole moment from a verdict to a step in a process.
Model your own mistakes out loud
Let kids see you mess up and recover. "Oops, I burned the toast. Okay, let's try again." Kids learn how to handle failure by watching the adults around them handle it.
Break the task into smaller wins
Sometimes "try again" feels impossible because the gap is too big. Break it down: "Let's just do the first step. We'll worry about the rest after."
Celebrate the rebound, not just the result
When a child tries again after a hard moment, that *is* the win — even if the result isn't perfect. Call it out. "You came back and tried again. That's the bravest part."
Build a calm-down toolkit
Kids can't try again from a flooded nervous system. A few deep breaths, a movement break, a hug — whatever helps them regulate first, then tackle the task. (Brain breaks are great for this in classrooms.)
Using stories and read-alouds to teach perseverance
One of the most powerful ways to teach resilience to young kids is through stories. A character making a mistake on the page is safe to talk about. Kids can see themselves in the character without feeling exposed, and parents and teachers can ask the questions that matter most:
- "How do you think they felt?"
- "What would you have done?"
- "Have you ever felt like that?"
- "What helped them try again?"
Resilience books for kids work because they give children the *language* for big experiences. A read-aloud at home, in a classroom, or in a counselor's office can spark conversations that just-talking never would.
If you're building a shelf of SEL books for children, look for stories that:
- Show the character genuinely struggling — not breezing through
- Treat mistakes as normal, not shameful
- End with the character trying again, not magically succeeding
- Use language young kids can repeat back to themselves later
About Mr. J and the Tower That Fell
Mr. J and the Tower That Fell — children's book cover about resilience and trying again
*Mr. J and the Tower That Fell* is a children's book about perseverance, written by Mr. J — a certified Health & Physical Education teacher and the creator behind the Hey! It's Mr. J YouTube channel. It's a kids book about not giving up that was built specifically to give parents, teachers, and counselors a story they can use again and again.
In the story, Mr. J builds a tall tower of blocks. He's proud of it. And then — like every tower a kid has ever built — it falls. What follows is the part that matters: the big feelings, the urge to quit, and the choice to take a breath and try again.
It's a small story about a big lesson: a fall isn't the end. It's the beginning of trying again.
View the Book on Amazon
Read more about the book, the lessons inside, and how to use it at home or in the classroom on the Tower That Fell book page.
How this book supports SEL, confidence, and growth mindset
Books about trying again work best when they're paired with conversation. *Mr. J and the Tower That Fell* is designed to do exactly that. Inside one short read-aloud, kids see:
- A character experiencing a real setback (not a watered-down one)
- A name for the feelings that come with failure
- A simple, repeatable strategy for trying again
- A quiet kind of confidence that grows from the rebound, not the result
It's a natural fit for:
- Parents reading at bedtime when a hard day needs unpacking
- Classroom teachers building SEL into their morning meetings
- School counselors working with kids on resilience and growth mindset
- Early childhood educators introducing big feelings in a small, safe way
If you're an educator interested in bringing this story directly to your students, Mr. J also offers school assemblies, classroom visits, and author read-alouds. Learn more on the School Assemblies & Author Visits page.
Helping kids keep trying — one small moment at a time
Resilience isn't built in one big talk. It's built in hundreds of small moments where a trusted adult says, in some version of these words: *I see this is hard. I believe you can try again. I'm right here.* That's the message every kid needs to hear, over and over, until they start saying it to themselves.
If you're looking for a story to help carry that message, *Mr. J and the Tower That Fell* was made for exactly this.
View the Book on Amazon
For more parent and teacher resources, browse the Blog, explore movement and SEL videos on the Videos page, or learn about bringing Mr. J's message into your school through School Assemblies & Author Visits.