Teaching & SEL
School Counseling Lesson for Disappointment and Change
Use a school counseling lesson for disappointment and change with individual or small-group options, coping choices, boundaries, and follow-up.
This school counseling lesson for disappointment and change helps elementary students separate what happened, what they feel, what they can control, and what they can do next. It works in an individual meeting or a small group and uses *Mr. J and the Tower That Fell* as a discussion anchor.
The lesson is educational, not clinical treatment. Follow your school’s policies, scope of practice, safeguarding procedures, and referral pathways. A read-aloud can support shared language, but it is not a substitute for individualized assessment or mental health care when those are needed.
Illustration by Hafsa Asad: Mr. J holding a block while his friend actively supports and builds the tower, showing uneven effort
Goal, Time, and Materials
Plan 30–40 minutes. The student goal is: “I can name a response to disappointment, identify a control boundary, and choose a safe coping or next action.” Materials include the book, blocks or paper squares, feeling words or visuals, and three circles labeled Control, Influence, Cannot Control.
Establish group norms: sharing is optional, people may pass, details about peers stay private within school safety limits, and no one gives advice before asking. Explain clearly that adults cannot keep information secret when someone may be unsafe. Use your setting’s required language.
Open With Distance and Choice
Begin with a fictional example: “A character spends days building something, but the plan changes and it falls.” Ask students to choose a weather symbol for the character’s possible feeling. Weather metaphors allow emotional discussion without demanding autobiography.
Introduce disappointment as the feeling that can arise when reality does not match a hope or expectation. Change may be chosen or unchosen, welcome or painful, temporary or lasting. Two people can experience the same event differently.
Offer participation modes: speak, point, arrange cards, draw, write privately, or pass. In an individual session, let the student choose whether you read all of the story or stop at selected scenes.
Read for Turning Points
In *Mr. J and the Tower That Fell*, Mr. J’s best friend carries most blocks while he delays helping. She says she cannot do it alone and leaves; the tower falls. Ask, “Which part is disappointment, which part is change, and which part involves responsibility?” This prevents coping instruction from erasing accountability.
Mr. J feels hurt and stuck, works with clay, later tries rebuilding, moves the half-built tower, and loses coins on the way to a toy shop. A gentle shopkeeper listens as he tells the truth and finally cries. Ask, “Which coping choices gave him space? Which action helped him face reality?”
When he continues one block at a time, clarify that coping does not guarantee restoration. The friend’s choices remain outside his control. His honesty and rebuilding remain within it.
Sort Control, Influence, and Cannot Control
Place story cards or spoken events in the three circles. Mr. J can control whether he tells the truth, takes a pause, and picks up a block. He may influence future trust through consistent action. He cannot control whether another person stays, how quickly a feeling passes, or whether the original plan returns.
Then use a fictional school scenario. Encourage careful language: “I cannot control another person” does not mean “I have no effect on them.” Actions have impact. Likewise, influence does not create entitlement to someone else’s response.
For a small group, assign each child one card to place and explain. For individual work, let the student move a figure between circles while narrating possibilities. The accountability after mistakes guide offers additional language for responsibility and repair.
Build a Coping Choice Menu
Create three categories:
- Body support: comfortable breathing, grounding, stretching, walking with permission, water, sensory tools.
- Expression: drawing, clay, feeling cards, talking, private writing, or crying in a supportive space.
- Action: seek clarification, ask for help, tell the truth, make a repair offer, revise a plan, or take one small task step.
Students select one from any category, then choose a backup. Discuss safety boundaries: coping choices cannot harm bodies, threaten others, destroy property, leave a supervised area without permission, or place the full burden on a peer. Adults should make options accessible rather than treating regulation as compliance.
Illustration by Hafsa Asad: the book's activity page inviting children to name a feeling, take a deep breath, and start again one block at a time, with a note for grown-ups
Close With a One-Block Plan
Each student completes: “The character may feel ___. They cannot control ___. A coping choice is ___. One small block is ___.” Personal application is optional. Place one physical block for each part, then practice the book’s closing invitation to name a feeling, take a deep breath if comfortable, and begin again with one small block.
For follow-up, check whether the strategy was accessible and useful rather than asking whether the student “calmed down.” A helpful review asks: Did it increase safety? Did it create choice? Is repair still needed? What should adults change in the environment?
For whole-class prevention, adapt the classroom lesson on coping with setbacks. Information about school visits and larger community programming is available through school assemblies, while book details are on the official book page.
Referral and Safety Caveat
Pause the planned activity and follow school protocols if a student reports possible harm, abuse, self-harm, danger to others, or another safety concern. Consult qualified school or community professionals when distress is persistent, significantly interferes with daily functioning, or exceeds the lesson’s educational scope. Do not promise confidentiality beyond policy.
Document and communicate according to your role. The story can open a door, but professional judgment and established procedures guide what happens next.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is this lesson appropriate after a recent major loss?
Use professional judgment and coordinate with caregivers and support staff as appropriate. A general lesson may not meet a recently affected student’s needs.
Can students discuss friendship changes?
Yes, without naming or blaming peers. Use fictionalized language, honor privacy, and redirect active conflicts to the proper support process.
What if a student dislikes breathing exercises?
Offer grounding, movement, art, water, communication tools, or another safe option. Breathing should never be the price of receiving support.
Bring *Mr. J and the Tower That Fell* Home
This book fits counselors who need a nonclinical, emotionally layered story for discussing disappointment, responsibility, coping options, and what remains outside our control.
Order *Mr. J and the Tower That Fell* on Amazon or visit the official book page to learn more about the story, classroom use, bulk school orders, and author visits.
Dave Joisil—known as Mr. J—is a certified Health and Physical Education teacher and an independent Black male children's author. Supporting his independently published work helps make room for more educator-created stories and Black male representation in children's books.